I don't even want to write this...

...because I'm dumb and am just freaking myself out. Can someone PLEASE come take all these damn pee sticks away from me?

I got a package yesterday and realized that a while ago I'd ordered some special pregnancy tests that are available in Canada but not the state - they not only tell you you're pregnant, but also how far along you are. So I also have three of those, in addition to the ones I mentioned yesterday. I REALLY wanted to be sure, guys. Duh.

Anyway, so since I had the pink line First Response one right in front of me, I peed on it. And then I figured I might as well try one of the new Clear Blue digitals from Canada. Both came up positive, BUT. The First Response - which came up immediately and dark with Caleb - took a minute to appear and wasn't as dark or thick as the control line. The digital said pregnant as well, but it also said 2-3 weeks pregnant (so 4-5 weeks gestationally). I'm 5 weeks, 2 days, so it could be right, but at the rate that my HCG was rising, it should be well over 4,000 by now. Which is average for 25 days post ovulation, which is where I'll be on this Friday...or when I'll be very nearly six weeks. So shouldn't it have said 3-4 weeks if my HCG levels were still rising and hadn't started to go down??

I know I need to stop peeing on things, but I'll probably do another Clear Blue test next Monday to see if the numbers changed at all.

Plus I scheduled my NT scan today for December 30, so today I'm really feeling like everything is being jinxed. It's almost two months out, but I had to schedule it early because during the short timeframe when I could get it there are four holidays when the doctor's office is closed, and between the limited time slots and everyone wanting to get in before the New Year the slots were filling fast.

UGH. I suck. Why am I doing this? I laugh at other people who flip out about lighter tests.  Am I one of those idiots?

I mean, clearly yes.

And especially yes since I just read the instructions and it said to get the most accurate dating, you need to use first morning urine, which mine was not.

So maybe this freakout was all in my head. You know what that makes me want to do, don't you?

Pee on something else tomorrow morning.

But I promise you, my blog readers...ok, readER...that I won't. I'll wait. I'll try to wait, at least.