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Friday, July 25, 2014

Letters to Emmy : Seven Months

June 12 to July 12, 2014
Dear Emmy,


Hey, there, baby girl.


So you're seven months old now (well...you were like two weeks ago) and last month I thought I had you all figured out but this month everything has changed.


You loved your pacifier and needed it to sleep and I was actually worried about how I was going to wean you off of it, but then overnight you decided that pacifiers are total shit and you don't want anything to do with it and you scream louder if I try to give it to you.


You wanted to sleep by yourself and just be left alone, but now you only want to sleep if I'm holding you. Similarly, you were happy to play by yourself except now you think we've totally abandoned you FOREVER if I even step two feet away.


Oh, separation anxiety. How I DID NOT MISS YOU AT ALL.


Although....


Although I will say that they way you clamber to me no matter the obstacle is kind of amazing. And I'm not going to lie, I get a huge thrill when you reach for me. You put your arms around my neck and pull me in and bury your face in my shoulder and I squeeze you back and I can't stop and then eight hours later your dad comes home from work and finds me in the exact same position just cuddling you FOREVER.


You're a happy, content baby with an easy smile. And still those dimples. And still those rolls and cheeks, oh my. Sometimes the light hits your hair right and I think you might be my red-headed baby, but other times it just looks blonde, and still other times light brown. I think it's fair to say I have no idea what it's going to do. All I know is that it's much lighter than Carys's was at this age. You always have rosy cheeks. Your eyes are just as blue as hers were, but hers have darkened and turned gray-green-hazel, so it's anyone's guess whether your eyes stay blue. Still no teeth, but we're a family of late teethers, so that's no surprise. You were 18.5lbs and just shy of 28" tall at your six-month appointment.


When you do cry, it just slays me right to the core. Your cries are so unlike your big sister's were - or maybe I've just blocked out how heart-wrenching they can be? You sound so SAD. Not angry. Angry I could let go a little longer. Angry I'm trying to put you to bed? Yeah, okay. But heartbroken? Betrayed? GAH. You know how to get to me, kid.


You also blow raspberries when you are upset, which I think maybe you picked up from Carys? I'm not sure. You do it when you're happy, too, though. Same with squealing. Squealing and raspberries and I can't tell if you're happy or upset or just making noise.


You've been sitting up for a while, but you've now started crawling! You army crawl at a lightening pace and I've scooped you up inches from the stairs (which are impossible to gate off due to their configuration) a hundred times. You were SO FLIPPING HAPPY to have gotten that down. AUTONOMY! I CAN GO WHERE I WANT AND NOT WAIT FOR THOSE DAMN HANDLERS TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I WANT TO GO! You're starting to pull yourself up, too, and can go from the floor to my shoulders...somehow. I'm not really sure how you do it. You never stop moving. You are the biggest wiggleworm ever. You're go-go-go-go-GO-OMG-GO-ALREADY.


You love toys and to chew on things but only if they are NOT baby toys. I can seriously place 100 baby toys in front of you and mix one of your sister's toys in with it and you will choose her toy EVERY TIME. It's almost uncanny. And is starting to cause some friction between you and your sister already, but luckily at this point she still likes you enough to share.  Your favorites of her toys are, of course, those one with tiny pieces. Tiny, choke-able pieces. Tiny, choke-able pieces that you love to stick in your mouth.  Tiny, choke-able pieces that you love to stick in your mouth and scream over when I take them away.  Particularly the pieces to her magnetic dress-up doll set.  I'm constantly asking, "Do you have something in your mouth?" and the default answer is YES. You're like a human vacuum cleaner, sticking the tiniest pieces of anything you can find on the floor in your mouth. You also love to crawl up to our entertainment center and open and slam the doors over and over and over, and you really love this Weeble castle that a friend found for us at a garage sale - you've figured out how to press the button to make it spin, and I think you're doing it on purpose, even!


You're still nursing full-time (and I love how you constantly have your hand in my mouth and grabbing my hair or neckline), but we've slowly introduced some solid foods. The first attempt was not well received.


Since we're doing baby-led weaning according to your prompts, it took a little while before you were ready, but now you're eating real, whole foods like a pro.  I'm a little more strapped for time with you than I was with Carys, so you've still mostly gotten just wedges of avocado and apples, or whole plums and peaches (I pull the pits out when you start getting down that far), or carrots, or smushed blueberries, but no whole meals yet. Basically, anything I can prep and give you in less than five seconds, you've had.

Also plates.

You don't really babble the way I remember Carys babbling - you are more of a Neandrathal baby, squealing and grunting and sighing and cooing and blowing raspberries.  Say "mama" already, kid!!!! That's one of my favorite moments of motherhood, and I can't wait to hear your voice.


I'm pretty sure once you say that, you'll have me wrapped around your little finger.


OH WHO AM I KIDDING? You already do, like times a billion. The way you look up at me with those baby blues? The way you softly put your hand on my face? The way you smile at me with that big gummy grin? The softness of your hair under my cheek when we cuddle? Those rubber-band wrists and those roly-poly thighs? Your elfin ear? My god, do I love it all. You're fantastic.


I love you, baby squish. To the moon and back. And back again. And then again and again for eternity.


Love,
Mama


P.S. Oh, my god, I almost forgot one of my favorite things. You've learned to give kisses. You give these giant open-mouth kisses and it's just the best. thing. ever.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Letters to Carrots : Three Years Old

January 7 to July 7, 2014
Dear Carys,


I mean, seriously, look at you.


Love this kid, INDEED.


You are three years old.


THREE.


Like the going-on-your-fourth-year type of three.


Never have I wished to be able to pause time harder. I find it impossible that you've been on this earth three entire years.  In the grand scheme of things, it's such a short time, but in my life it's been absolutely everything. You have changed me for the better, completely. You've changed your dad's life. You'll change your sister's life (for better or worse - sorry to my own sister Jenna for making her scared of heights...).

 

You're such a bright, loving spirit (nearly always). You listen well (sometimes). You're kind and sweet and gentle (usually). You're an amazing big sister (usually). You're energetic (always) and silly (always) and so darn smart (always). You're spunky and daring and you Live Out Loud (literally...have you heard yourself scream?), and you're only three years old. What amazing-ness awaits??



We've tried a few free "preview" dance classes (with your "special shoes" [ballet shoes] that, once on, you refuse to take off) and open gym sessions at a gymnastics studio (you love the rings) and you love both. If there's music, you're dancing. If there's a bar, you're hanging from it. If there's something bouncy, you're jumping on it. We got you a trampoline for your birthday and you thought you'd died and gone to heaven. We actually tried a preview dance class a while ago and you were mortified and upset that you didn't have the same "special shoes" as all the other girls, so I sprung for them, and they're well-worn already. We're trying out "official" dance and gymnastic classes in the fall and we'll see what you think of them. I also want to sign you up for karate and soccer and and ALL THE THINGS but I am pacing myself and trying to remember that we have lots of time for all that.



You're still taking swim classes - two and a half years now! - and are such a little fish in the water. Part of it is just that you've been going so long, but you're doing so well even compared to the other kids in your own age group. You can float on your back by yourself, and are learning the arm movements to do a backstroke (you can go almost half the length of the pool!). You can swim underwater to the edge of the pool and pull yourself up and out of the pool. All by yourself.  I keep thinking of stopping swim class in favor of something else, but you really love it, so we'll keep it up as long as you want. We went to a Fourth of July party and there was another kid there, six months older than you, who was playing in one of those baby floats and you just could not wrap your head around it. You wanted to do it initially when you saw her using them, but you couldn't do anything in it, so you quickly ditched it to return to jumping in the water and swimming back to the edge (with me there to help catch you). I could. not. get. you. out. of. that. water. Your lips were blue, but you wanted to keep swimming.


What are you into, besides swimming and dancing and gymnastics? You still love the characters of Frozen but you're kind of over the movie. You like Little Mermaid, but again, just the characters. Your favorite things to watch at the moment are Scooby Doo (you LOVE acting out the 'unmasking' of the monster scenes) and Sword in the Stone. Yes, like the 1960s movie. That has zero princesses. While I have no idea why you love it, I love that you do. You really like puzzles and you love play-dough. You love little figurines - whether they're ninja guys or princesses or cowboys, you have a collection of small (like 3 inches and smaller) dolls and just love playing with them. You love animals and kids.




You love sugar - or you think you do, anyway. You're always asking for it, but you rarely finish whatever treat it is that you manage to finagle.


You love to sleep on the floor, as I've mentioned. You love to read. Oh, my gosh, do you love to read. You love camping. You love shopping with me and pushing your own cart. You love spicy things.


You love to color for the five minutes that you'll sit and do it, then you're over it (but I'm so impressed with how you're starting to color within the lines!). You like to draw and are starting to draw recognizable figures - heads with facial features and lines and circles for arms/legs/hands/feet.  You love motorcycles and trains and farts and worms and bugs and my makeup and my clothes. You love to dress up. Let me repeat that. YOU LOVE TO DRESS UP. I can't emphasize "love" enough. You constantly have some sort of outfit on, whether it's a princess skirt and tiara or "angel" wings and a giant flower hair clip or a blanket cape and wielding a sword. You are always in costume and always in character.

(I give up on formatting the fricking pictures.)





We've kind of been homebodies the last six months since your sister was born, though we have gotten some outings in: the zoo many times, the children's museum a handful of times, the kite festival, a Cinco de Mayo festival, Brownville Flea Market, the Summer Arts Festival, a farm festival (and local parks, of course, and picnics and play dates and stuff like that) but we haven't done any big trips since we're still getting in the two-baby groove.


Your dad was taking you to school while I was still on restricted driving after having Emmeline, and would take you to Village Inn in the mornings for "mickey mouse" pancakes and you thought it was so special. I  hereby give him permission to take you into school late a couple times a year from now on in order to continue that tradition. I think the "biggest" thing we did was go on a camping trip in May. Things have settled down a lot, and we have more camping trips and a family vacation coming up (as well a trip where we'll have to leave you with your Nana for FIVE ENTIRE DAYS LIKE ALMOST A WEEK AND I'M ALREADY MISSING YOU AND FREAKING OUT). One of the trips involves a beach and I know you're going to never want to leave.


 



Sisterhood fits you so well. You're a natural. It actually breaks my heart a little bit, for a variety of reasons. You fall into perfectly into the role of middle child when you're around kids both older and younger than you, but you're not actually a middle child since your older brother isn't with us. But you should have been. Also sad because you don't have any cousins to play with. Because you probably won't have any cousins to play with, at least not for a long time. (Come on, siblings of mine!!!) But you're a great sister. Emmeline just adores you. She looks at you like she looks at no one else, and you're so proud of that fact. Yes, you can be obnoxious and even mean to your little sister - like grabbing a toy away from her, or handling her a little too roughly - but overall your relationship is everything for which I'd hoped. So far. Talk to me in ten years.


 


You're at the age where you're starting to make real friends (not just ones forced on you by me). Seeing these relationships develop - where you ask daily to go play with Charlotte or "Leela" and remind me how excited you are to swim with Taylor or Annie - is so gratifying. I'm also grateful that most of my friends go with the "hands off" theory when it comes to toddler tiffs, so it's been interesting to see you (and them) develop the skills to work your arguments out by yourselves. You also make friends wherever we go - you're a social little girl and gravitate to other kids, particularly older kids, though you exhibit extreme patience for babies as well and delight in "teaching" them. The big kids, though, are the ones that hold your attention the most. At your birthday party, your best same-age friends were there, but you just shadowed your friend (my cousin's daughter) who is a few years older. There's some serious hero-worshiping happening there.




 

You're a little bit of everything, full of dichotomies. You love dressing up in long dresses, but rip them off in a heartbeat to climb on top of a chair. Your love playing with your "girls" (your small doll figurines), but you relish digging in dirt with your bare hands and finding worms. You are one of the loudest, most outgoing, friendly kids I've ever met, but in a some situations, you'll hide behind me and not look up and refuse to talk to anyone. Sometimes you'll introduce yourself and immediately start bossing a strange kid around, but the next day you'll hover on the sidelines waiting to be invited to play. So shy, yet so outgoing. So introverted, yet so extroverted. So quiet, yet so loud.  You love to lay next to me, but rarely let me cuddle you ("No rubbing my back, mama! Don't touch me!") - although in the week or so leading up to your third birthday, you started requesting cuddles when you were upset. Hearing you say, "Can you cuddle me, mommy?" through tears is just the sweetest and most heartbreaking thing ever.


I need to find a giant tree to knock on, because things are looking up around here. The last couple of months had been some of the most challenging we've had yet, as you tested the boundaries and tried to be in charge of your own life. Unfortunately, as you're only three, I can't actually let you play outside in the front yard alone (and NO you don't want to play in the backyard and NO you don't want me to watch from the porch and NO you don't want anyone else to watch you either), you're often kind of pissed at me and frustrated and disappointed by all these Rules. Rules everywhere. Only one treat a day. Only one movie a day. No jumping on the glass table. No flying your kite inside. No ice cream for breakfast (well...usually not). No painting with toothpaste. No throwing rocks in the house. No no no no. I can only imagine what it sounds like to you. I try my very best to re-word the expectations into "yes" or positive action statements - "Yes, you can throw the rock if you go outside," or "Please use your hands to hug," but I'm still throwing up barriers to you having fun and being autonomous left and right.


I give into as many of your requests as I reasonably can - letting you wear two different shoes, for example - in order to give you some control over your life. But you want ALL the control and you hate that you don't have it. You think you're quite reasonable and persuasive in your arguments, by the way. You're learning the fine art of negotiation and I don't think I like it. Please go back to blind obedience. Ok, hmph, fine, I guess this is all developmentally appropriate and I don't want to raise a child who just blindly follows anyone...except I kind of want you to just listen to me already, okay?


On top of the desire for control, you sometimes can be stubborn and whiny, which when combined with the tantrums, is just delightful. (That's sarcasm, Carys. It's not. At all.) I know that's a universal toddler thing, but it doesn't make it any easier to listen to all day. As I mentioned, you also think you know about negotiation, which is both hilarious and irritating, because it means I have to figure out how to negotiate with a three-year-old. And since very little in your mind makes sense to an adult, it's hard. It typically goes like this: You: "Can I have this cookie?" Me: "You can have it after you eat dinner." You: "But how about now?" Me: "After dinner." You: "What about two minutes?" Me: "After dinner." You: "What if I pick up my toys?" Me: "I'd appreciate that. And you can have the cookie after dinner." [fifteen minutes of the same elapses] You: "Can I eat it now?" Me: "OMG YES YOU CAN HAVE IT JUST TO END THIS CONVERSATION." You've also gotten rather...sneaky....which worries me. If you are this sneaky now, how am I going to keep tabs on you when you're older and smarter?!?! I told you that you couldn't have a sucker at the moment and a couple minutes later I noticed the stick part of the sucker sticking up out of your shirt. You'd hidden it there! I've also found you in closets hiding while putting on my make-up, and you've mastered the art of showing me your empty hand, rather than the hand with the offending item, when I ask what exactly you have that's making you giggle to yourself. I'm positive my mom would tell me this is all payback for my own childhood.


Oh, and also? You cuss now. And it's HILARIOUS. I shouldn't say that, but it is. Because it's cussing the way only a three-year-old can. You know two phrases that are "bad" and if you're mad, you blurt them out, much the same way an adult would let loose a string of profanity. So you yell, "POOPY BUTT! SHUT UP! POOPY BUTT! SHUT UP!" sometimes with a side of sticking your tongue out at me.  I've told you that those words are words that can be said in your bedroom, alone, which serves the dual purpose of not banning them and therefore making them more desirable and also lets me laugh my ass off at it. (I know for sure 'poopy butt' came from daycare/school and I'm 99% sure 'shut up' did too. Sigh.)


A huge part of the struggle has been that you dropped your nap a while ago, but you still need it. You need it like whoa. You just don't see it that way, and since I can't force you to sleep (if only parents had full control of the sleep habits of their children - how much easier parenting would be!!!!), you end up not taking a nap most days. This, however, has led to the occasional  "fall asleep on the couch" or even "fall asleep on mom" moments, which never happened before. And if we're in the car around the time you used to nap, you will fall asleep. Every time. I may have gone old-school on you and taken you out on a car ride a couple times on days I know I need you to be awake AND happy later in the evening, like on your birthday or on the Fourth of July. You are still sleeping on the floor most days, which is just so weird to me, because beds are so. much. more. comfortable than the floor, but also so familiar, because I fully remember sneaking out of my room when I was little to watch my parents as they watched TV. I just wanted to be with them. You lay down a blanket and your pillow, then ask me to cover you up with your "lellow blanket" and then you play quietly with little figurines or read a book until you fall asleep. Often you'll yell out at us to "Be quiet! I'm trying to sleep!"


But, as I said, things are looking up, and over the last month or so, the days that seemed to be one non-stop tantrum after another have become increasingly rare and the days that are sunny and happy and smiley and silly have returned to being the norm. Two and a half to three was a hard run, kiddo, but here's hoping that the worst is behind us. (Parents of older children are thinking "HAHA THAT NAIVE FOOL," and laughing to themselves now.)


Even on the worst days, though, I just can't get enough of you. I cannot wait to pick you up from daycare when you go, and adore the rare one-on-one time I get with you. You are so very funny and smart and you notice everything (which I think is pretty much a toddler's job). You're so incredibly creative, in play and dress and how you interact with the world.  You're an achingly beautiful soul and I sometimes catch myself just staring at you, wondering how I got so lucky. (Note: usually these moments are not when you're throwing a tantrum.) The curls at the nape of your neck, the way your lashes brush your cheeks when you sleep, the way your cheeks flush when you're tired. The feeling of your bony, thin shoulders under my hand when you let me cuddle you, your arms with their tiny but strong muscles, the fuzz between your shoulder blades. Just a glance at you pulls at my heartstrings like nothing I've ever known before. The very timbre of your voice lifts my spirit, whether you're excitedly fake-whispering a secret to me, or singing a song at the top of your head, or talking quietly to Emmeline in the back seat of the car. Sometimes, if you wake up early, you climb into bed with us and hold my head in your hands and stroke the features of my face and tell me how much you love me and I literally start to tear up because I think my heart is so full of love that it's leaking out. I so often want to just to scoop you up into my arms and hold you close and stop time for a moment so I can just enjoy you and this hilarious, ridiculous, fun, difficult age as long as possible. I miss you when you're sleeping. There have been many nights when I just want to go wake you up to get another hour of playtime or one more hug. A desire to wake a sleeping child when only moments before I'd been counting down the minutes to bedtime?? What is that?? No one told me about that part. 


Like with your previous letter, I've been jotting down things I wanted to remember over the last few months. There are SO MANY MORE THOUGH. Like every day I think, "OMG, that was adorable, I have to remember to write that down," but then reality hits and I forget before I ever get close to a pen and paper. Which is probably good, because this is already insanely long. YOU'RE JUST THAT CUTE, KID.


The TL;DR version of this for people who want to stop now is that my kid says things that I think are cute but that are probably said by kids worldwide on a daily basis. BUT MY KID THO.

(Sorry these are kind of disjointed - since they were written one at a time over a few months the formatting is all over the place.)


December 2014 (apparently I was busy with something and didn't write much down?? I can't imagine what?)
- Christmas program at school where you were a sheep and did a great job, including the classic "wave to mom from stage" thing. Nana, Grandma N, and daddy and Emmeline all watched you. I might have cried.
- Asked if we could keep Emmeline forever.
- You tell me to "make baby sister happy! I no like it when she's crying! It makes me sad!"


January 2014
- At the hospital, the elevator door closed with you in it (you didn't step out with me like I thought you did) and your terrified cry-scream that immediately happened was the most heartbreaking and scary thing I've ever heard. I started button mashing and luckily the door opened quickly without depositing you on another floor. You jumped into my arms and clung to me so hard while sobbing and repeating "The door closed! The door closed!" We saw a helicopter like two feet away as we were leaving the building, though, so that cheered you up.
- Dad and I took you and your sister out for lunch and you were SO excited to show off your baby sister to everyone. "LOOK! This is my baby sister! Emmeline!" (I love how you say Emmeline - very prounced: EM-uh-line!)

February 2014
- Instead of just "no, thank you," you say "no, thank you, please."
- We watched "Sound of Music" and you love the goodnight song the kids sing, and make me do the "cah-coo" part with you over and over.
- We watched "Mary Poppins" and you love to repeat, "We are not a codfish," and other snippets.
- You love to pretend to go trick-or-treating.
- All kisses now get the response "I wipe it off!"
- If I ask you to do something you don't want to do, you reply, "I have no hands!" meaning your hands are full. If they weren't previously full, you'll pick up anything within arm's reach to make them full.
- You love to be the patient and have me the doctor and will have me try to fix your broken legs over and over. I'll say you're all fixed and you'll try to stand and collapse on the floor and say it's still broken.
- "I eat my booger!" EW.
- You will dance and sing to anything.
- If I ask you what the name of your baby doll is, you answer either "Cookie" or "Emmeline."
- I showed you pictures of Kate Middleton playing field hockey to explain that princesses can be real people too, and now you love to say how princesses are strong and fast and wear pants and plays golf.
- When we signed you up for tumbling class you were hesitant at first but when asked how a kitty moves you couldn't contain yourself and burst out with crawling and "MEOW!" You loved tumbling class!


- You love picking out clothes for baby sister. "She'll look boo-tiful in this!"
- You regularly do entire scene-by-scene remakes of movies, with the lines and staging down exactly.
- You love to imitate all that baby sister does - sucking a paci, swing, tummy time.
- My uncle passed away after getting hit by a car, and you kept repeating, "A different John [my sister's boyfriend is also John, so the John that died was 'a different John'] died, he got hit by a car, but I'll give him ice pack to make it better."
- One day I told you to hold onto something so you didn't lose it, and you said, "Yes, I don't want it to walk off!" You picked that up from daycare.
- Suddenly, you only want to associate with other girls. You wanted me to go to a female checker at the grocery store, and didn't want to give grandpa a hug because "He's a boy!" Then you were telling me an imaginary story and said you built castles that boys peed in so you built a new castle, but they peed in that one too, and so you built a new castle and NO BOYS CAN COME IN. I was absolutely dying laughing at the story. Luckily, that phase only lasted a week or so, because it was awkward standing in line for the female checker when the male one was just waiting for a customer (I always let you pick out the check-out lane to go to - it's one of the small tricks that makes grocery shopping fun for both of us).
- You love to watch make-up tutorials on YouTube and try to do your makeup like they do, so I'll find you trying to get my make-up out so you can "paint my face like Elsa!"
- Loved watching the Olympics with me and cheering for different athletes. "GO, GREEN GIRL, GO!" You also invited them over to our house after the event: "You can come to our house and I'll give you some cereal and ice cream!"


March 2014
- After my cousin's daughter got Elsa and Anna dolls, I promised you them for meeting a certain (private) milestone. Little did I know that they were completely sold out EVERYWHERE. I finally found Anna locally, but spend days searching online for Elsa. I finally found it at a Target in Chicago, and a friend who lives there went to buy it for us and ship it here (still WAY cheaper than the prices online for her!). Every day you asked, "They're still making my Elsa? She's coming in the mail?"
- As an adult, words are set, but I'm sure to a child, they're just random sounds assigned to an item, which is why I love it that you constantly are making up words for names and meals. "What's your baby's name?" "Blagadadoo." "What are you eating?" "Nardoffy."
- For ages, you and your swim class friend Taylor have been the exact same height, then suddenly one class you were nearly two inches taller than her. Hello growth spurt?!?!
- "Hmm, let me think, yes."
- Went to the zoo and said, "Will the tigers eat me?" I said, no, they're behind glass, and you pouted: "Oh, but I want them to!" Also this trip you played on rocks and pretended that they were water and there were sharks in the water and one bit your arm off and very dramatically held your arm through the rest of the trip while telling people that a shark bit you.
- You started calling Nana just "Nan." Hilarious.
- You gave me something to keep in my pocket and said, "I don't want it to walk off!" (Must have gotten that from daycare.)
- Favorite game is the "fizzy game" when you drip vinegar on baking soda.


April 2014
- After you threw up, you kept saying, "Remember when I spit up?" with a super sad face. And told everyone about it. Over and over again.
- If I say, "I love you, Emmeline!" you quickly yell "WE ALL LOVE EMMELINE!"
- You love to play play-dough, particularly making dresses for dolls out of play-dough.
- You have these MagiClip dolls with dresses that come in two parts and come apart easily. You keep trying to mix up the different halves of the dresses (like use one piece from Elsa's dress and one half from Anna's dress to create a new one) and it doesn't work because they're shaped differently...but you just jam them together and sometimes tape them together and call it good.
- You sat and watched the big girls at dance class until I was mean and forced you to leave.



- You started to climb into our bed early in the morning...I tell your dad I don't like it and I want you out, but really I love it.
- You're eternally optimistic. If I tell you that a package that has arrived isn't what you were waiting for, you reply, "We hafta see! Maybe it is!"
- You picked out presents for your friend M's birthday and wanted to keep them. You begrudgingly agreed she could have them, but as we were walking in, you said, "But maybe she'll open them and say no thank you and give them back to me?"  (Doubtful, kid. But nice thought.)
- You want to know everyone's name, including completely strangers. As we're shopping, you'll ask, "What's her name?" about the checker.
- You climb out of bed and fall asleep in bizarre positions, like kneeling at your bed with your torso on the bed and your lower half next to it, or leaning up against a wall.
- Spring program at school! Nana and Grandma N came to watch.



May 2014
- We got butterflies and you were so protective over them and told them, "I'll keep you safe, butterflies."
- You're very into saying, "My turn first!" for everything, like if we're going down the stairs you'll jump in front of me and say, "My turn first!"
- In an effort to stay up later, you started calling, "Save me, I'm scared of my bedroom, there are monsters!" when going to bed.
- When looking at the moon: "It's kind of like the sun, but it's the moon!"
- "What are you doing back there, Carys?" [when in the backseat while I was driving] "I'm just talking to myself."
- While playing doctor: "You have a temperature of three eighty dollars."
- When I was cleaning: "You cleaning because someone's coming over?" (Sad answer is: probably.)
- You started preceding statements with a dramatic "Actually..." and a pause before continuing.
- You exclaim "Oh my gosh!"
- You call your little figurines "my girls" and "my guys."
- After discovering our nibbled-on tulips: "Oh my gosh, those rabbits ate all of our flowers! Those mean rabbits, we just planted them!"
- You decided to start wearing your swim goggles in the bathtub so you could "swim".


- When I had kidney stones, I was writhing on the floor in pain and you took such good care of me; rubbing my back, telling me I was going to be okay, and giving me hugs. Months later, you still talk about "that time the doctors came to our house to take care of mommy."
- Also with the kidney stones, I was in so much pain I was throwing up, so I grabbed the closest available container, which ended up being your potty chair. For days on end you were totally aghast: "Mommy, you spit in my potty! But I have to pee!!!!"
- Me: "What do you want for dinner?" You: "Ice cream." Me: "You want ice cream for dinner?" You: "No, for dessert." Me: "Okay, then what do you want for dinner?" You: "I don't want dinner. Just dessert!"
- "But it's my first time!!!" (I don't know exactly why or when you say this, but it's almost like an excuse you use when you're upset.)
- When putting on a short-sleeve PJ shirt you said, "Oh, it's short sleeves!" Then when putting on the pants, you continued, "But the pants are long sleeves!"
- "I TOOTED!" and dissolve into a fit of giggles.


June 2014
- We went to go work in the garden, and you said, "Are you ready to gard?"
- Keeps saying "got-for instead of "forgot"
- "That's interesting." Like "But it's my first time!" I'm not entirely sure what you think this means. You say it in response to things that I can't connect together so I wish I could read your mind. "Carys, can I play blocks with you?" "No, it's interesting!" Or I'll pretend to put your shoes on and you'll grab them off my feet and say, "No, those are my shoes! That's interesting!"
- "Emmeline, you're my most baby sister ever."
- I love when you bust out knowledge I didn't know you had, like when I said something was brown and you corrected me: "No, it's light brown!"
- You often request that I sing "The Carys song" which is when I replace the words in "You Are My Sunshine" with "You Are My Carys."
- You call all meals dinner.
- A couple days in a row I had stuff from my work lunch left over when I picked you up from daycare so I let you eat them in the car. The first time I didn't, you exclaimed, "Why you not have dinner for me in the car???"
- Regarding some water: "This is really tasty."
- "You're the best." (Are you trying to butter me up for something? It's working.)
 - "I'm winning!!! I'm winning!"....even when you are clearly not winning.
- I was running late to pick up Emmeline and told Carys we had to hurry to get her so Em wouldn't worry. The whole car ride she kept saying, "Here we come Emmeline, don't cry, we're driving to get you, we're coming for you, it's okay, don't be sad, here we come, your mom and Carys are coming to get you!!"
- Randomly one day while playing you dramatically fell to the floor and said, "Daddy bit my toe, I can't walk." (Note: dad was not even home.)
- When it was windy out: "HEY! Stop wind-ing my hair!!!"
- "Daddy, take a shower, you stink!"
- You ate some mulberries off the ground at our house and got sick from them, so whenever anyone went to the back yard you'd run up to them to say, "Ground, no!!! Tree, yes!!! You'll get sick!"
- Learning to "tightrope" walk on the lines in the sidewalk with Kimberly.


July 2014
- You like to act out Scooby Doo, particularly the part where the monster is handcuffed and de-masked. You asked us to handcuff you (or as you say, "Police me!!!") and then act surprised when we pretend to pull a mask off to see "It's just Carys!!!!!!!" We are then supposed to ask, "Why were you being a monster, Carys?"
- After spilling a drink and crying on your birthday: "It's not my birthday if I spilled my smoothie! Tomorrow can be my birthday and I won't spill!"
- You love to have me put both of your legs through one pant leg to give you a "mermaid tail" and will flop/crawl around the house like a mermaid.
- After getting a bowl out, filling it with water, then laying on the floor in order to dip your hair in it: "Look at my hair, mommy! It's so loooooooooong!" (Along those same lines, you won't let me fix or do ANYTHING to your hair at the moment because you want "looooooooooooong hair.")
- You loved watching fireworks for the most part, until one that was unexpectedly loud and big was set off a little to close to you (we were careful - it wasn't dangerous - just bigger/louder than we thought it'd be) and after that you were super wary of all of them.


WHEW. And Carys, if you're reading that list thinking you sound like every other toddler out there (you do) and nothing was that funny or ground-breaking (it was at the time! it's all in your delivery, I swear) all you have to know is that it was....to me. I have to jot it all down because I have to remember it all. I'm only living this time once and it's just not enough.


I see I did this with your last letter, so I'll keep it up. Right now, as I write this, your favorites are (note that these change regularly):


Favorite food: Ice cream or yogurt with sprinkles (chia seeds) or broccoli with cheese or plain baby spinach
Favorite drink: Milk
Favorite movie: Sword in the Stone
Favorite color: Pink or purple
Favorite clothes: Real clothes would be your coral 3/4 sleeve tunic with white dots or one of your dresses. Play clothes would be my pink and blue striped strapless dress that you wear all. the. time.
Favorite shoes: Toms (ok, once again, you don't care about your shoes...these are my favorite. Yours would probably be your purple flats if I made you choose.)
Favorite toy: Play-dough
Favorite book: Whatever library book we just checked out
Favorite park activity: SWINGS.


Some minor stats: You sleep from about 9pm to 7:30am with no nap usually. You go to daycare two days a week. You're 38" tall and weigh 34 pounds. You wear size 3T but 4T is....not falling off you. [SOB.] You know your numbers up to 20 though you get stuck around 16 sometimes and recognize almost all (maybe all?) of the letters. You can write C and H and X. Your favorite teacher at school is Ms. Brenna (in the green room). You have hazel eyes and light brown hair (or dark blonde?) that has these amaaaaaaazing curls that I hope never go away (but probably will, since Nana claims your aunt Jenna had similarly curly hair as a child).


You're beautiful and perfect and flawed and wonderful.
I love you, little girl. Keep on being you.


Did I mention I love you?



I love you.


Love,
Mama