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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Live Blogging a Bachelorette Party

9:00pm: First to the strip club. Awkward. I'm just going to wait in my car until they get here.


9:08pm: Two big groups just got out of the car and stumbled in. Shit. I can't tell if "my" bride is there.
9:09pm: Text bride. "Are you here?" (I don't text speak...I just can't bring myself to do it unless the situation is dire, like I am holding a poopy baby with one hand and fending off armed soldiers with the other.)
9:15pm: No response. Shit. I'll go in and look.
9:16pm: SHIT. It's too dark. I can't tell if any of these groups are mine. I'm not walking around a male strip club to peer at people in the dark.
9:20pm: Text from bride. "Just got here! On our way in!" .
9:21pm: Ugh. They all look adorable and super young. Why do I even TRY looking cute? I look like I could be the bride's mother, or at least dowdy older sister. I'm too old for this.

9:21pm: Also, this.


9:30pm: Bride downs 8 mini shots. Wow. Shit just got real.


10:00pm: Tiny energetic man is on stage dancing like a jackrabbit. This is weird. They are barefoot. That looks weird. I don't know what they should do but barefoot is just....weird. This explains stripper shoes.
10:05pm: Bride called to stage. SO glad I didn't do this for my bachelorette party. SO GLAD. Banana hammock IN THE FACE.


10:30pm: Jackrabbit guy working the floor. Spoke too soon. Banana hammock in MY face. Great, now I have stripper on me. (Below is not jackrabbit guy.  It was just like this, only with me and without the pecs. I also had pec-guy in my face later.)


11:00pm: New guy. Cute face. HORRIBLE dancer.
11:03pm: OMG HE JUST FELL OFF THE STAGE I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING HE JUST FLEW OFF THE POLE AND OFF THE STAGE AND INTO THE CROWD NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, EVER.
The fallen shortly after the falling.

TRUE STORY.

8 comments:

  1. We did this for my friend's bachelorette party and I hated it. I felt totally awkward and weird and sleazy. On the other hand, I can now say I've been and NEVER want to go back. I would much rather go to a club and dance (I actually LOVE to dance). Anyway, this made me laugh which is always a good thing!

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  2. Haha. Ewww. You look adorable - and freaking skinny!

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  3. This made my day. I'm literally sitting here LOL'ing =)

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  4. This may be the best bachelorette party I ever attended. Yes, vicariously, through you.

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  5. Banana hammock!!!! LAMO! I wanted to do this for my cousins bachlorette and was out voted....bunch of party poopers.

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  6. ehmmmm...I am pretty sure I meant LMAO...but LAMO was a good try...right??

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  7. Too funny! Sounds like you guys had a blast. "Shit just got real." LOL!

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  8. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

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