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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A Family of Four


It's been long enough since Carys was born that people are starting to ask about when we're going to have more children (because, as is everything with children, it's totally their business!).

I know I want more children. At least one more, if not two or three more. I'm probably slightly crazy. I love kids. I loved being pregnant. I definitely want siblings for Carys. I was one of four, and enjoyed the larger family. Chris is on board for one more for sure and says "we'll talk" about more beyond that. But I don't really "need" his "permission" for more after that. JUST KIDDING I WILL NOT STEAL HIS SPERM I SWEAR. I'll borrrow it. He'll get it back! In the form of a child!  KIDDING AGAIN.  I'll beg and cajole.

Right now, I am enjoying doting on Carys and giving her my full attention. I love being able to attend to her needs fully without having to worry about anyone else needing me. I love spending time rocking her to sleep, the occasional bed-sharing, the nursing, the exclusive bond we have, the state of the three of us.  I am loathe to interrupt it. I am loathe to split attention, share my love. It'd be nice if, when I was pregnant or caring for a newborn, she was old enough to play by herself and a little more understanding of a tired mom, whereas with a toddler it's GO GO GO MOM MOM GO GO PLAY MOM HEY MOM PLAY ATTENTION MOM. Although she very well may be GO GO GO at three or four or five too.

On the other side: old eggs. Time. Not wanting to wait too long. I'm 31. I know that's not old old, but in reproductive terms, it's getting there. And I don't want to decide we're ready for a sibling (or two) and then not be able to do it because we waited too long. I know trying tomorrow doesn't guarantee a sibling, but the odds are better than if we wait three or four years. I want the kids fairly close together.  I love the idea of two close in age because their interests and abilities will be closer together.  I'd rather deal with two kids in diapers concurrently and be done with it than deal with it for a longer period of time. I don't want to store all of this baby stuff (let's be real: this SHIT) for years and years. And I already miss being pregnant and get newborn fever every time I see a tiny little baby.

(Side note about old ass eggs: At work today I heard two kids talking about the strip club that they went to over the weekend and one of them said, "She was talking to me and said she was almost thirty! She didn't move like an almost-thirty-year-old!" Were they expecting a walker? Is almost thirty the new eighty?)

Not that I can do anything right now: mother nature is still withholding her monthly gift. I'm sure she thinks she's doing me a favor since I've cursed it since day one but HEY LADY. You aren't. Well, I guess you are in that you're making it easier for now as I can delay having to make the decision. But as I would like to nurse until Carys is two, eventually I might have to make the tough decision whether to wean her before either of us are ready so we can start trying, or to wait until my "ideal" 18-24 month gap and possibly the option of a second or third kid down the line is gone (or greatly diminished, at least).

One thing I have to remember is that even if I got pregnant tomorrow, I'd still have a full nine (almost ten!) months with Carys alone. The new baby wouldn't be coming home with us the day I found out. We'd have plenty of time to adjust and I'd have many more months as a family of three before I had to even start thinking about what it would be like as a family of four.

So we'll likely start trying as soon as that usually-unwelcome-but-for-a-month-or-two-welcome-and-then-she'd-better-leave-again-only-this-time-because-I'm-knocked-the-heck-up visitor returns. If it hasn't returned by July, I'll have to start thinking seriously about whether to wean or re-think our family plans entirely.

3 comments:

  1. I'm sure you'll figure out what is right for you Lara. Mine came back at 9 months with Ella, so maybe yours is on its way soon. Maybe if it gets to July with still nothing, you can cut back on nursing without quitting entirely and it will come back. I nursed Ella and William for almost a year and a half each (I just quit in March with William), but after the one-year point, I only nursed them before bed. (The decision to cut down to 1 a day was easy for me since I work full-time. I REFUSED to pump past a year, since I was SO.OVER.PUMPING.)

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  2. I totally empathise, hating getting a period for so many years then being desperately frustrated when it stops cooperating!!!

    Carys is beautiful!

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  3. WOW, how much more could we be alike; i could have written this exact same post just a few short months ago. I am, also, 31 and scared about my already old eggs. My blog is too public now so I can't write what I really feel, but I can share here just a little. I didn't get my cycle until we stopped BFing; it was tough I wasn't really ready to stop, but at the same time I knew it would take us a long time to get PG again. And I was right unfortunately. We are on cycle 6 (5th cycle on clomid). Next up is an IUI once AF shows up next week. If I could go back, I wouldn't have weaned Owen as quickly as I did. It is nice to feel like my body is mine again, but I miss that closeness we had. I would have loved to have gotten PG while Bfing and had Owen wean himself. Anyway, if you want to email me and chat more here is my email addy: jeannadholmes at hot mail dot com.

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