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Friday, April 25, 2014


Did I ever mention here that "Elsa" was one of our top names for Emmeline? Way before the movie came out, obviously. One of the reasons we discarded it was because it was the name of one of my grandmother's cats, but I remember after taking Carys to see Frozen at the beginning of December wondering if having the character in the movie named Elsa meant it would soon be ubiquitous and known primarily for that character. I also remember kind of dismissing that thought because, "...how big could that movie really get?"

Little did I know that it would become Carys's favorite movie and that she would be all Elsa (and Anna) all the time. And that Frozen-branded stuff would be everywhere, and that Elsa would be everyone's favorite character. And that had I used the name Elsa, I'm sure I would have gotten, "Like the movie?" every time I said her name. 

To force a segue that only kind of works, I've been kind of feeling isolated lately. (It works, okay, because I can't hear the word "isolation" without immediately breaking out into song: "A kingdom of isolation...and it looks like I'm the queen.") (I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!) 

My mom moved to a small city (for work) about a six hour drive from me the year Carys was born. If you know me or my mom, she's my rock and a very real part of my soul. It has been incredibly hard having her away. Incredibly hard, as in I'm tearing up just writing it out. And it hasn't gotten any easier 2.5 years later. When I think of her permanently moving, which I know is always a possibility, my heart just shatters. At least now, she can come home whenever since my dad is here in their local house, and at least now I know I have every summer with her. But if she moves, I can't imagine being in a hotel for three months straight to visit for the entire summer. 

And now my youngest sister is gearing up to move to California, which is literally halfway across the country. She's leaving in August. She was my little tag-along sister who drove me batshit insane because she constantly wanted to copy everything I did, but now she's the one I want to copy. She's one of my very best friends now, and generally my default answer to "Who can I hang out with tonight? I'm bored." Carys absolutely adores her and I've been so excited to see her and Emmeline develop that special bond as well - and now that she's moving when Em is so young, it won't be the same. Sure, she'll come back a couple times a year, and there's video chat, but it's not the same as seeing someone in person every week. And Carys is so little that their special bond won't be maintained either - she won't remember what it's like to have Kimber in her weekly (if not daily) life. 

And now I'm crying about it. Again. Sigh. I'm such a wuss. GET IT TOGETHER, GIRL.

It feels like my entire support system is crumbling around me.

Don't you love how I can take major events in other people's lives and make it ALL ABOUT ME?

I always thought I was pretty flexible and change didn't affect me much, but these two events have proven me way wrong and it's really thrown me for a loop.

I don't want to discount the friends and family I do have locally - another sister, who is wonderful, and a brother, who is also wonderful. I just don't see them as much as I did Kimberly, unfortunately. And my dad is fantastic and always available, but he'd be the first to admit he's no mom. No one can nurture quite like my mom can.  And most of my closest friends are away, too: one of my very best mom friends moved about four hours away, another is two hours away, and another four hours away. In our large group of local friends, most aren't married and don't have kids. I have a few good friends left in the area, though, and I'll need to make a concerted effort to see them more often in order to combat the loneliness I know is going to hit me once Kimber's outta here. And I'll need to make an effort to expand my horizons and ugh, make new friends, which is always awkward and weird when you're an adult. Anyone want to be my new best friend? Applications accepted. 

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