9:00pm: First to the strip club. Awkward. I'm just going to wait in my car until they get here.
9:08pm: Two big groups just got out of the car and stumbled in. Shit. I can't tell if "my" bride is there.
9:09pm: Text bride. "Are you here?" (I don't text speak...I just can't bring myself to do it unless the situation is dire, like I am holding a poopy baby with one hand and fending off armed soldiers with the other.)
9:15pm: No response. Shit. I'll go in and look.
9:16pm: SHIT. It's too dark. I can't tell if any of these groups are mine. I'm not walking around a male strip club to peer at people in the dark.
9:20pm: Text from bride. "Just got here! On our way in!" .
9:21pm: Ugh. They all look adorable and super young. Why do I even TRY looking cute? I look like I could be the bride's mother, or at least dowdy older sister. I'm too old for this.
9:21pm: Also, this.
9:30pm: Bride downs 8 mini shots. Wow. Shit just got real.
10:00pm: Tiny energetic man is on stage dancing like a jackrabbit. This is weird. They are barefoot. That looks weird. I don't know what they should do but barefoot is just....weird. This explains stripper shoes.
10:05pm: Bride called to stage. SO glad I didn't do this for my bachelorette party. SO GLAD. Banana hammock IN THE FACE.
10:30pm: Jackrabbit guy working the floor. Spoke too soon. Banana hammock in MY face. Great, now I have stripper on me. (Below is not jackrabbit guy. It was just like this, only with me and without the pecs. I also had pec-guy in my face later.)
11:00pm: New guy. Cute face. HORRIBLE dancer.
11:03pm: OMG HE JUST FELL OFF THE STAGE I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING HE JUST FLEW OFF THE POLE AND OFF THE STAGE AND INTO THE CROWD NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, EVER.
TRUE STORY.
9:08pm: Two big groups just got out of the car and stumbled in. Shit. I can't tell if "my" bride is there.
9:09pm: Text bride. "Are you here?" (I don't text speak...I just can't bring myself to do it unless the situation is dire, like I am holding a poopy baby with one hand and fending off armed soldiers with the other.)
9:15pm: No response. Shit. I'll go in and look.
9:16pm: SHIT. It's too dark. I can't tell if any of these groups are mine. I'm not walking around a male strip club to peer at people in the dark.
9:20pm: Text from bride. "Just got here! On our way in!" .
9:21pm: Ugh. They all look adorable and super young. Why do I even TRY looking cute? I look like I could be the bride's mother, or at least dowdy older sister. I'm too old for this.
9:30pm: Bride downs 8 mini shots. Wow. Shit just got real.
10:00pm: Tiny energetic man is on stage dancing like a jackrabbit. This is weird. They are barefoot. That looks weird. I don't know what they should do but barefoot is just....weird. This explains stripper shoes.
10:05pm: Bride called to stage. SO glad I didn't do this for my bachelorette party. SO GLAD. Banana hammock IN THE FACE.
10:30pm: Jackrabbit guy working the floor. Spoke too soon. Banana hammock in MY face. Great, now I have stripper on me. (Below is not jackrabbit guy. It was just like this, only with me and without the pecs. I also had pec-guy in my face later.)
11:00pm: New guy. Cute face. HORRIBLE dancer.
11:03pm: OMG HE JUST FELL OFF THE STAGE I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING HE JUST FLEW OFF THE POLE AND OFF THE STAGE AND INTO THE CROWD NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, EVER.
The fallen shortly after the falling.
TRUE STORY.
We did this for my friend's bachelorette party and I hated it. I felt totally awkward and weird and sleazy. On the other hand, I can now say I've been and NEVER want to go back. I would much rather go to a club and dance (I actually LOVE to dance). Anyway, this made me laugh which is always a good thing!
ReplyDeleteHaha. Ewww. You look adorable - and freaking skinny!
ReplyDeleteThis made my day. I'm literally sitting here LOL'ing =)
ReplyDeleteThis may be the best bachelorette party I ever attended. Yes, vicariously, through you.
ReplyDeleteBanana hammock!!!! LAMO! I wanted to do this for my cousins bachlorette and was out voted....bunch of party poopers.
ReplyDeleteehmmmm...I am pretty sure I meant LMAO...but LAMO was a good try...right??
ReplyDeleteToo funny! Sounds like you guys had a blast. "Shit just got real." LOL!
ReplyDelete