*So I totally jinxed myself by starting this post on Sunday morning, because then Sunday afternoon I had a bit of a bleeding scare. Had to go into L&D for some monitoring, but all seems to be fine and just taking it easy.
With ten weeks and just over two months left, we still have no name and no nursery. But I'm less freaked out about either of those things now then I was earlier. Whatever, right? I assume she'll eventually have a name and we have a good six months to get her a room assuming all goes well and she sleeps okay in the Rock 'n Play like her big sister did.
Soooo I cheated and loved this outfit with the yellow sweater, but it's really like 29 weeks 3 days. I was going to just fudge it but for unknown reasons felt guilty so I took a real 30 week picture today.
Speaking of her big sister...what I AM freaking out about is losing my one-on-one time with her. Like to the point I start to cry when thinking about it. I know it's not gone forever, and I know that a sister is an amazing, amazing gift (please let them love each other!), but our quiet mornings where just the two of us snuggle and watch Sesame Street will not be the same after Squish arrives. Nor will I be able to drop everything and read a book to her, or take a last-minute trip to the park, or even think about just her. Everything from December 17th on will need to take two kids into consideration.
(photo courtesy Darbi G Photography - this is just a screenshot of her screen, so excuse the quality)
I'm petrified of looking back at these last two months and feeling like I wasted them. I want to take off work for the next two months and fill our days with nothing but laughter and finger paint and cuddles. I want to quit all social media and break our TV and live in a world of books and wonder. I want to take her to the zoo and the children's museum and Disneyworld and the moon. I want to have her permanently attached to my side in a mom-first daughter love cocoon for ten weeks where I can just live in the pure joy and bliss* that is Carys. She's such a unique, smart, silly, amazing little kid and I don't want to miss any of her, and I'm worried that splitting my attention between two kids will mean that happens. I know that will happen. I know there will be times when I have to sacrifice Carys time for Squish, and Squish time for Carys. I know that having two kids means that neither one will get my full attention as much as Carys did her first two years. I worry that I'll miss getting to know Squish like I did Carys, with two years of solid one-on-one time to get to know and love every little thing about her.
Seriously. THIS KID.
AHHHH MOM GUILT EXPLOSION.
I need a brownie and a glass of wine. TWO THINGS WHICH I CANNOT HAVE, DAMMIT.
*Pure joy and bliss not guaranteed. She is two, after all.