It's also kind of a mind-fuck how completely different yet completely the same it is as my previous pregnancies.
Symptom-wise, all three of my pregnancies have been pretty similar, though I only actually threw up with Carys. This one has probably been the easiest in terms of how I'm feeling, though mid-way through the first trimester I was exhausted like I've never felt before. That's started to let up, however, and I'm feeling pretty much exactly like I do when I'm not pregnant (except for, and can I actually write this out for public consumption? It needs to be said. Except for the gas. Oh, god. TMI times a million, I'm sorry, but if you're ever thinking about getting pregnant you really should be warned).
The big difference comes from awareness. I feel like with Carys, I was constantly aware of being pregnant, and was very "present" with the pregnancy. This time, while I certainly know I'm pregnant, I remember I'm pregnant, I feel pregnant (when I can't button my jeans), but it's in a much more abstract, vague way. I thought it'd be the other way around - since I'd been through it once before, this time around would feel very concrete and solid and familiar. And it IS familiar, don't get me wrong, but it's also this gossamer, vague idea that is almost inexplicable.
It's like I KNOW, but somehow it's not the first thing that pops into my head as an answer.
Why don't my pants fit? Oh, I probably had too much ice cream yesterday. (Ok, well, that's probably true in addition to being pregnant.)
Why am I so tired? I must not have gotten a good night's sleep last night.
Why do I have heartburn? I must have eaten something wrong.
Why are my boobs sore? Shoot, I probably had my bra on too tight.
Instead of, you know, OH DUH I'M PREGNANT.
I think last time I spent all my spare time researching baby things and baby gear and baby information and what a c-section was like and how to make a baby sleep and how to take care of a baby and info about breastfeeding and info about cloth diapers and information about everything ever written about babies in the history of the world that I never had a chance to forget I was pregnant. This time, I don't need to buy anything new (except clothes if this one is a boy, but if it's a girl, we're set), I don't need to know the difference between a prefold and a pocket diaper, I don't need to research which swing is the best or learn how to swaddle. I know all that. And since I'd never had a baby before, my mind was full of imagining what it would be like to have a baby around and specifically wondering what it would be like to have MY baby around.
Not to mention the whole raising a toddler thing - that kind of tends to keep one busy as well. Just a bit.
This time, I take a few minutes here and there to imagine having two babies in the house, of course, and I picture Carys playing with her little sibling, and I picture me having to pry her off of the baby as she attempts to
Strangely, even the things that worry me haven't been forefront in my mind. Things like where on earth we will PUT things for the new baby since I feel crowded already, and things like whether I'll ever have time or energy to clean out our spare bedroom AKA The Storage Room of Doom, and things like whether I'll be able to handle two. Those thoughts briefly cross my mind, but quickly float away. Maybe it's self-preservation? Whatever it is, it's keeping me calm in a time where wine isn't an option, so I'll just happily accept it and continue to ignore those things and then completely panic when the baby actually gets here. That seems reasonable and healthy.