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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Already, 2011?

2011. It is supposed to be the GOOD year. It is supposed to be the year of happy endings and amazing firsts.

So why did it start out by giving my family a big "Fuck you"?

My 13 year year old cousin died today. She hung herself. Her 12-year-old brother, my godson, found her.

I can't even process this. It's too fucked up to even think about. She is - was - actually my cousin's daughter, but in my family we're all so close we never really differentiated. There's not a big gap between the youngest cousin and her - only a year or so, if that - so everyone was just "the cousins." I talked to her mom today to see if she wanted me to come get my godson, and it was absolutely the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. The raw grief...I've lost a child, but this was completely different. I could hear her heart breaking over and over.

Fuck this. Seriously.

9 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I wish this stuff didn't happen, ever. But since that's somehow impossible, I wish your family peace, wherever you can find it.

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  2. I read this and felt sick. That's so awful and my thoughts go out to you and your family. Unfortunately it's happened in my family too. My aunt hung her self a few years ago. My uncle found her. When I heard what happened I couldn't sleep just thinking about it. It's an awful image to associate with a loved one. I'm so sorry it happened and I'm sorry your cousin had to find her like that. What a load for a 10 year old to carry. I'll be thinking of you.

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  3. Many many prayers to your family in this dark time. I am so very sorry, I can't begin to imagine the pain and heartache you and your family are going through.

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  4. I am so incredibly sorry for the massive loss your family is experiencing. If I could, I would take the pain away. Sending your family lots and lots of hugs, thoughts and prayers.

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  5. I'm so sorry you and your family are having to experience this. I hope you all find peace in each other. I'm definitely thinking about your godson. I know personally how hard that burden is to bear. Just give him lots of hugs and lots of reassurance.

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  6. Oh my gosh my friend. No no no NO =*( I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to all of you during this difficult time.

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  7. I'm sending lots of thoughts and prayers... I'm so sorry that you and your family have suffered such a loss. My heart goes out to you all

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  8. I'm so, so, so sorry. Keeping all of you in my prayers.

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  9. Oh my God. I saw your posts on facebook about this but it was always while I was working and I never took the time to really read them. I am SO, SO sorry Lara. Your family has been through a lot this year. I can't even imagine. I'm thinking about you, love.

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